“Security” Guard

The biggest employment boom in Hawai’i is in the field of ... “security” guards. No experience necessary, no education requirement, and the pay is a whopping $15 per hour after a brief grace period. All that required is passing a $50 “security” guard course (paid for by the student). Any criminal record is ignored because there is a “security” guard shortage.

What exactly can a potential “security” guard learn in a $50 four-hour course? Proper law enforcement procedures? Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa! With so many police officers misbehaving across the empire, how can a pea-brained “security” guard be expected to maintain a high standard? Even the (former) Chief of Police in Honolulu crossed the line!

The uniform of a typical “security” is designed to be distinguishable from regular law enforcement uniforms, usually more goofy looking. The intent is to insure that the “security” guard is aware that he/she is not in law enforcement. The “security” guard is merely an observer. Any suspected crime must be referred to proper law enforcement officials. Unfortunately, the mental midgets attracted to the “security” guard field intentionally forget that part of their job description, opting instead to act out the worst “made for TV” cop persona. Never mind that many of them have criminal backgrounds. No one is ever secure with “security” guards around.