Penitentiary

The governor of Hawai’i and the mayor of Honolulu finally emerged from the “basement” to announce a full “lockdown” commencing on Thursday for a two-week span. So, no haircuts. No dining out. No gym either.

Aside from the inconvenience, the efficacy of a two-week “lockdown” to combat “super-duper corona” is questionable. Clearly, only a sloppy “mop up” operation is the sole purpose, prior to the opening of the floodgates of tourism.

The governor and mayor claim that over 60,000 “super-duper corona” tests will be administered at no charge during the “lockdown.” Every hypochondriac in town will take advantage of the offer and make a mockery of the effort. And, the rank-and-file peons are already blaming each other (i.e., not wearing the ridiculous face masks, etc.) for the fiasco.

No personal contingency plans are in place. Temporary workouts using exercise bands will be invoked. Caloric intake will be reduced. Haircuts are still facilitated at the Mausoleum Barbershop. The current cellphone wireless plan will continue. And, an on-line application was submitted for the affordable housing lottery at the new Queen Emma Apartments in town.